How To Deal With: Self Sabotagers
for the sake of this article, let's pretend "sabotager" is a listed word. 😂
Now, some people like drilling their holes deep enough to cause anyone who tries to help, to fall endlessly into misery with them. These people live by the laws of self sabotage.
The series of events you may catch yourself in-between while dealing with someone like this is actually a cry for help. But only those who are meant to endure these circumstances will stick around to help them overcome these kinds of issues.
As hard as it is to admit, sometimes your soul purpose in a self sabotager's life is to be a lesson to learn. You have to leave in order for them to see that no one will stick around and allow such hindrance to rule the relationship, or to witness them drill their life into the ground.
I am being very blunt here, but with a subject like this you cannot sugarcoat the facts. I say this because someone who sabotages themselves knows exactly what they're doing, to themselves and others. People who struggle with this issue depend on people to try to hold their hand through their hardships. Self sabotagers live life with a lack of pursuit. Anytime they have the opportunity to level up, or if they're in the process of seeing success, they deliberately mess it up.
I have dealt with individuals through out my life that have/may still struggle with this problem. And I have learned a lot about them. No one is the same, you can't categorize people into a tight group of explanation, everyone has their own reasons for the things they do.
The triggers that I've observed while dealing with people who self sabotage range. One that I noticed frequently was the 'Fight or Flight' feeling. The easiest way out of situations that cause nervousness is the mess up your opportunity. Another trigger is when someone is feeling lost within themselves, when someone doesn't know what's their purpose for living they do things to stay as comfortable as possible. Feeling unfamiliar feelings can cause a sense of anxiety and slight fear. Their balance of contentment will be thrown off because of their lack of ability to adjust...
... Another reason why some people self sabotage could be because they're narcissistic.
What is Narcissism? It is a personality disorder & a mental disorder in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for admiration and a lack of empathy for others. But behind this mask of ultra confidence lies a fragile self-esteem that's vulnerable to the slightest criticism.
So when a narcissist participates in self sabotage, it'll first and foremost be because of their lack of a filter. Narcissist tend not to use good judgement, they will commonly choose to go against the norm. There is a sense of impulsiveness because they have a huge sense of entitlement. Someone who may have characteristics of a narcissist will not see their damaging behavior, they will not understand the perception of those they've hurt, or why things turn out bad at times. There is usually no deep thought of "what will this do to the person involved" or "what will this cause in the future", they're usually looking to satisfy their current needs. Failure to understand still isn't an excuse though, everyone understands when they've hurt someone, and everyone has an intuition (narcissist just have a drowned out intuition). Narcissism does not effect intelligence, only judgement. Deep down, it's the biggest cry for help of them all.
What these three characteristics or habits have in common is the inability to properly deal with fear. They have an unbalanced mentality and it has effected their lives and relationships. Everyone needs someone in this journey called life, and it is possible that you just might be their soulmate to help them through it. But if you're not, then your encounter was a lesson of understanding for the both of you. Learn from those who hurt you, and if you're the one doing the sabotaging, then learn from your mistakes.
My solution for everything will always be love. And in this degree, the kind of love someone who struggles with this problem needs is patience, wisdom, and a nurturing vibe. Do not let anyone walk all over you, but do not leave someone when they need you. Listen to your intuition, if the relationship is damaging then leave. But if there is an even exchange of love and gratitude, and you just so happen to be the one to provoke change and progress into their lives, then you're in the right place at the right time, all is well.
Now, some people like drilling their holes deep enough to cause anyone who tries to help, to fall endlessly into misery with them. These people live by the laws of self sabotage.
The series of events you may catch yourself in-between while dealing with someone like this is actually a cry for help. But only those who are meant to endure these circumstances will stick around to help them overcome these kinds of issues.
As hard as it is to admit, sometimes your soul purpose in a self sabotager's life is to be a lesson to learn. You have to leave in order for them to see that no one will stick around and allow such hindrance to rule the relationship, or to witness them drill their life into the ground.
I am being very blunt here, but with a subject like this you cannot sugarcoat the facts. I say this because someone who sabotages themselves knows exactly what they're doing, to themselves and others. People who struggle with this issue depend on people to try to hold their hand through their hardships. Self sabotagers live life with a lack of pursuit. Anytime they have the opportunity to level up, or if they're in the process of seeing success, they deliberately mess it up.
I have dealt with individuals through out my life that have/may still struggle with this problem. And I have learned a lot about them. No one is the same, you can't categorize people into a tight group of explanation, everyone has their own reasons for the things they do.
The triggers that I've observed while dealing with people who self sabotage range. One that I noticed frequently was the 'Fight or Flight' feeling. The easiest way out of situations that cause nervousness is the mess up your opportunity. Another trigger is when someone is feeling lost within themselves, when someone doesn't know what's their purpose for living they do things to stay as comfortable as possible. Feeling unfamiliar feelings can cause a sense of anxiety and slight fear. Their balance of contentment will be thrown off because of their lack of ability to adjust...
... Another reason why some people self sabotage could be because they're narcissistic.
What is Narcissism? It is a personality disorder & a mental disorder in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for admiration and a lack of empathy for others. But behind this mask of ultra confidence lies a fragile self-esteem that's vulnerable to the slightest criticism.
So when a narcissist participates in self sabotage, it'll first and foremost be because of their lack of a filter. Narcissist tend not to use good judgement, they will commonly choose to go against the norm. There is a sense of impulsiveness because they have a huge sense of entitlement. Someone who may have characteristics of a narcissist will not see their damaging behavior, they will not understand the perception of those they've hurt, or why things turn out bad at times. There is usually no deep thought of "what will this do to the person involved" or "what will this cause in the future", they're usually looking to satisfy their current needs. Failure to understand still isn't an excuse though, everyone understands when they've hurt someone, and everyone has an intuition (narcissist just have a drowned out intuition). Narcissism does not effect intelligence, only judgement. Deep down, it's the biggest cry for help of them all.
What these three characteristics or habits have in common is the inability to properly deal with fear. They have an unbalanced mentality and it has effected their lives and relationships. Everyone needs someone in this journey called life, and it is possible that you just might be their soulmate to help them through it. But if you're not, then your encounter was a lesson of understanding for the both of you. Learn from those who hurt you, and if you're the one doing the sabotaging, then learn from your mistakes.
My solution for everything will always be love. And in this degree, the kind of love someone who struggles with this problem needs is patience, wisdom, and a nurturing vibe. Do not let anyone walk all over you, but do not leave someone when they need you. Listen to your intuition, if the relationship is damaging then leave. But if there is an even exchange of love and gratitude, and you just so happen to be the one to provoke change and progress into their lives, then you're in the right place at the right time, all is well.
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(spread love through ya words)