Pamper Diet Series: Validation

Val·i·da·tion

/ˌvaləˈdāSHən/

noun

The action of checking or proving the validity or accuracy of something.

"If you are ever tempted to look for outside approval, realize that you have compromised your integrity. If you need a witness, be your own." 

- Epictetus

    I've lived my entire life seeking validation from external sources. Family, friends, authoritative figures, and even strangers. There may be a brief moment of dopamine from the outward acknowledgment of being "one of the good ones," but it often left me emotionally exhausted. Reaching a new phase in life, I face the challenge of finding contentment within myself. Learning to have a self-knowing that is so solid within its foundation that no words and no weapon formed against me can even materialize, let alone prosper. This is my challenge, and in order to embrace this challenge, I must find the root of the conflict.

    I can identify that my conflict begins with my inner child. My therapist shared a list of family archetypes with me. It was a fun exercise, but it definitely called me out. Amongst the list is the Hero Child archetype. The family role demonstrates the child who takes on the role of being the overachiever, the perfectionist. It is manifested within families of high expectations or within families that are emotionally unavailable. Now, my parents are emotionally available, but the standards within my household were very high. I also found myself adapting this identity after experiencing traumatic moments of abandonment. I've had some vulnerable experiences where the adults that my parents trusted me to be safe around were negligent. I began my life as a bubbly and outgoing child, but after these experiences of neglect and abuse a fear was activated inside of me. I spent my twenties trying to fight the habit of shrinking, and that resulted in my fueling the personality trait that I created as a child. I became a hero child-adult. 

    At this point in my life, I am shedding these habits, and I am reconditioning myself to hold healthier values. This is a task that cannot be done without prayer and authentic shadow work. Looking at myself in raw form, honoring my boundaries, and protecting my peace.

    As children, we are immersed in a world governed by an intricate system of rewards. In the field of anthropology, research into the human brain reveals a complex network of neural pathways specifically designed to process pleasure and drive motivation. These pathways, however, are not solely biological. They are shaped by a blend of cultural and evolutionary forces, influencing the way we behave and interact socially. Across various societies and environments, our innate ability to seek and experience reward is molded, expressed, and transformed by the cultural contexts in which we live.

    This tends to impact the development of our personalities. The things that we obsess over, the way that we present ourselves. How we communicate with the world, and also how we covertly communicate with our own spirit. Our validation should come from within. But we often cling to the attachment of those around us. How we manage life is often objectified by our communities. 

    True growth happens when you unsubscribe from the routine of seeking outward validity and mute external voices. Take a moment to sit in solitude and find your voice—the one that may have been muted since childhood.