Repurposed Pain

 

Growing older requires massive shadow work, a couple ego deaths, and a reprised personality. We become calmer and more mature, but if we're lucky we tend to revert back to the pureness of our youth. 

In life we experience trauma, these moments tend to shape us, and how we navigate life is then altered. We tend to react negatively out of fear. But for most of us, how we react changes after the wounds heal. Those scars become repurposed pain and stories of victory as we have made it through the things that we thought would end us. 

It's a beautiful feeling when you realize that something no longer hurts. And it's not a feeling of being desensitized as a trauma response, but it's a feeling of taking control of your life force. When you're going through the storm, this is difficult simply because everything surrounding you feels as though it's meant to harm you. You're in survival mode. It is at this time when we attempt to desensitize ourselves as a defense. We're defensive about every fucking thing. And when we're in this mode, of being so sensitively insensitive, we're almost emotionally comatose and deep in busywork. It is not until we've fully healed, or unless something spiritually intervenes in our conscious patterns, that we realize that we are no longer affected by our pain and that it has been converted into other things. Some people start families and find love, and some people create amazing things that change the entire trajectory of their lives, but every person gives birth to something that comes from the inner love that resides deep inside of us. Which was unharmed the entire time.

Acknowledging your repurposed pain means that you have acknowledged your inner light. Which is something that is so subtly powerful that we do not pay it any mind. It is the very thing that keeps us alive. The engine that powers the car.

For those in our lives who lose their battles and their inner light transitions from this realm to the next, a piece of them is here with their loved ones. And we can choose to repurpose their pain through storytelling or testimony. Sharing the importance of love and letting people know that they are not alone. Making sure to tell those who are suffering, to never doubt their inner light, as it is the most powerful piece of matter on this planet. We forget this important fact, and we diminish our own worth when we feel as though we cannot defeat our battles. People who give up on themselves think that ending their time here will silence everything and that they'll be in infinite rest. Which sounds good on the surface until you realize it's a fantasy to cope with the pain and fear around them. Leaving this plane ends your time here, but the soul lives on. And there is nothing more powerful than an infinite soul and the source it was created from. 

It has been 10 years since I've attempted to end my life. Looking back at that time in my life, I am no longer triggered or saddened by that period in my life. And that is because I have evolved so many times, and I've grown past that pain and alchemized it into creativity, or through helping others around me who have been put on my path to help. And because I have experienced such a low period in life, and made it out, I will be given the task of helping others see their own light for the rest of my life. And I am absolutely okay with being responsible for the contribution of love that is spread out to the world.

If you know someone who is struggling with seeing their own light, hug them and remind them that they do matter and that they are more powerful than they are giving themselves credit for.