I Just Wanna Be Ya Homegirl... Please Stop Hitting On Me.
Featured below is an article that a single, 24-year-old me wrote. I never released it, but I want to share exactly how I was feeling back then. It's something to see just how different I am, and also to see what has not changed.
Date: March 27th, 2020 12:32 AM
Nothing makes me feel less valuable to someone than asking me to come over to your place without establishing comfort or intentions.
And nothing feels less violating than constantly telling someone you're not looking for that kind of situation, and they continue to slip in advances after pretending to care for a couple weeks at a time.
I'm not a challenge. Or your obligation.
What makes it so disappointing is that it only takes one conversation for me to see your potential, and for me to form a certain level of admiration for someone's soul and true essence no matter how much they try to suppress it. I'm not sure why or how this happens, but when I get a chance to really sit and talk to someone, they typically feel very comfortable and they end up telling me a lot about them. I can't count how many times I've heard "I don't even know why I'm telling you all of this" in the middle of someone's story lol. That makes me smile every time. I make sure that people are very comfortable around me, but I don't have to try too hard. Maybe that's what I was born with. So when I become friends with the opposite sex, and they've opened up to me.... told me some vulnerable things that'll cause me to invest a level of care and support. It really hurts when they turn around and attempt to pressure me to come over or do other things.
It can make you feel very low when someone just confidently springs that on you... I try to hold myself to a high standard... So when I open myself to a friendship with a guy and he feels okay with crossing the line, I always think what made him so comfortable doing that? I'm not spiritually disconnected, so I don't do hook-ups. I have high regard and respect for myself and my soul. And when a guy approaches me as if he doesn't... When he doesn't guard himself accordingly, when he treats sex like an empty interaction, it's the biggest disappointment. Even if I find you physically attractive... if you treat yourself, (and me as a reflection) with no respect then it's an instant turn-off. Already, your chance has tarnished before it began.
I hate telling a guy my worth when I know he doesn't care. And when guys try to manipulate you into feeling guilty for not being on the same tip, it's so toxic. A couple of weeks ago a guy texted me out of frustration for not texting him back. He'd see me in person and words would be minimal, but he'd be very confident and he even crossed the line once over text once... Asked for my number in the most neutral and nonchalant way rather than being honest... Like if you want to just hook up you could've left it on Instagram, and I could've told you no on there 😂.
Guys do yourself a favor and leave the empty advances with the most minimal effort possible. It's not worth it. And you make it hard for us nice girls to feel comfortable giving people chances in general, friendship or courtship. Because honestly, at this point I feel as though that's all the majority of guys see me for. That's very discouraging, I love myself too much to settle for that. I would be abusing myself atp.
And nothing feels less violating than constantly telling someone you're not looking for that kind of situation, and they continue to slip in advances after pretending to care for a couple weeks at a time.
I'm not a challenge. Or your obligation.
What makes it so disappointing is that it only takes one conversation for me to see your potential, and for me to form a certain level of admiration for someone's soul and true essence no matter how much they try to suppress it. I'm not sure why or how this happens, but when I get a chance to really sit and talk to someone, they typically feel very comfortable and they end up telling me a lot about them. I can't count how many times I've heard "I don't even know why I'm telling you all of this" in the middle of someone's story lol. That makes me smile every time. I make sure that people are very comfortable around me, but I don't have to try too hard. Maybe that's what I was born with. So when I become friends with the opposite sex, and they've opened up to me.... told me some vulnerable things that'll cause me to invest a level of care and support. It really hurts when they turn around and attempt to pressure me to come over or do other things.
It can make you feel very low when someone just confidently springs that on you... I try to hold myself to a high standard... So when I open myself to a friendship with a guy and he feels okay with crossing the line, I always think what made him so comfortable doing that? I'm not spiritually disconnected, so I don't do hook-ups. I have high regard and respect for myself and my soul. And when a guy approaches me as if he doesn't... When he doesn't guard himself accordingly, when he treats sex like an empty interaction, it's the biggest disappointment. Even if I find you physically attractive... if you treat yourself, (and me as a reflection) with no respect then it's an instant turn-off. Already, your chance has tarnished before it began.
I hate telling a guy my worth when I know he doesn't care. And when guys try to manipulate you into feeling guilty for not being on the same tip, it's so toxic. A couple of weeks ago a guy texted me out of frustration for not texting him back. He'd see me in person and words would be minimal, but he'd be very confident and he even crossed the line once over text once... Asked for my number in the most neutral and nonchalant way rather than being honest... Like if you want to just hook up you could've left it on Instagram, and I could've told you no on there 😂.
Guys do yourself a favor and leave the empty advances with the most minimal effort possible. It's not worth it. And you make it hard for us nice girls to feel comfortable giving people chances in general, friendship or courtship. Because honestly, at this point I feel as though that's all the majority of guys see me for. That's very discouraging, I love myself too much to settle for that. I would be abusing myself atp.
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(spread love through ya words)